'Asparamancer' Reveals 2020 Predictions

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By Tim Binnall

A psychic medium in England who claims to be able to predict the future using asparagus, of all things, has revealed her forecast for 2020. Dubbed the 'Asparamancer,' Jemima Packington's methodology involves throwing a bundle of the vegetables into the air and then examining the pattern they produce when they hit the ground in a manner akin to the classic fortune telling practice of 'reading the tea leaves.' As one can imagine, the clairvoyant's unique technique has made her a favorite of the British media and, not unlike the mysterious prognostications of Baba Vanga, her annual predictions have become something of a staple at the start of the year.

As such, in keeping with tradition, Packington reportedly revealed this week what the asparagus 'told' her about 2020. Among the more noteworthy events foreseen by the Asparamancer is that President Trump will be reelected in November, but will later face a second impeachment that will result in his removal from office. Packington also predicted that Brexit will finally take place and, contrary to the concerns of many Britons, the process will actually "happen smoothly." In addition to those developments, the psychic medium said that some members of the Royal Family will fall out of favor and have their privileges revoked, independent retailers will see a resurgence, and there will be "radical reforms" in the British education system.

Looking at the world of entertainment, Packington made two rather specific predictions worth remembering as the year unfolds. First, she said that this year's Academy Awards will see "the youngest person ever" take home an award for acting and that this individual will be hailed as something of a phenom. For those wondering, the current holder of the Oscar age record is Tatum O'Neil, who won Best Supporting Actress in 1974 when she was 10 years old. Meanwhile, the medium foresees a "renowned showbiz personality" abruptly announcing their "retirement from public life" and that this turn of events will result in the person being honored for their work.


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