By Tim Binnall
A New Hampshire man believes that Bigfoot is behind a series of break-ins that have occurred in the state throughout the summer. In what is either a genuine letter to his local newspaper or a remarkably well-crafted joke that likely raised eyebrows among residents in the community, Caleb White took issue with authorities saying that bears were probably responsible for a number of recent incidents of forced entry involving homes and cars. On the contrary, he declared, "it is glaringly obvious that Bigfoot is the culprit."
White went on to note a number of curious aspects of the cases which contributed to his cryptozoological conclusion. Specifically, he pointed to one particular incident involving a break-in at a shuttered ski resort known as Spruce Mountain, where traps were subsequently set and a bear was said to have been captured. However, the fact that another mysterious forced entry took place shortly thereafter led White to posit that "there is no way two bears thought to do the exact same thing two times in a row."
Regarding the vehicle break-ins, White argued that bears cannot easily open car doors because they do not have opposable thumbs. "The Sasquatch, on the other hand, does," he said, which allows the creature "to open doors like humans." White also observed that there were no scratches on the cars, which he found to be incongruous with the bear hypothesis because their claws would "easily" take the paint off of a vehicle, unlike the "more precise" Bigfoot which would not leave behind such damage.
Perhaps the most amazing part of White's letter is his assertion that the absence of Bigfoot on the list of suspects is not merely an oversight on the part of disbelieving investigators, but a full-blown conspiracy. "The presence of Sasquatch," he wrote, is "covered up by Fish and Game" officials. Unfortunately, White does not take his theory any further than that, though one may surmise that his contention is that authorities do not want to alarm the public by telling them that Bigfoot might break into their cars or homes.