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Ominous Blob Washes Ashore

The gruesome remains of some kind of sizeable sea creature washed ashore in the Philippines late last week and sparked a bit of a panic among local residents. Discovered on the beach in the town of San Antonio, the revolting blob measured an unsettling 20-feet-long and its decomposing state left it looking as if it were a hairy beast. As one can imagine, the sight proved to be pretty popular once word got around the community and the dead creature drew a crowd of people to gawk at it and, of course, take selfies with the mysterious 'globster.'

But not everyone was thrilled with the macabre attraction as others expressed unease over the dead creature's arrival, suggesting that it had an ominous meaning. "An earthquake is heading for Oriental Mindoro," declared one resident to a local media outlet, "the big globster is a sign of something bad coming. Please pray for us." The reasoning behind this concern is that the creature somehow arrived on the beach by way of a disruption deep in the ocean and, in turn, that upheaval is headed for the province where San Antonio calls home.

Whether these fears find themselves manifested in the days and weeks to come remains to be seen, the nature of the creature is far less of a mystery. A wildlife official quickly determined that the animal is a whale and that further testing will eventually reveal what specific species. The same individual was also incredibly candid about having the unfortunate job of acquiring samples from the carcass. "It smells like something from another planet," she recalled with what one imagines was a haunted chill in her voice, "I almost puked."

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