Skeptical Scottish Man Seeking Funds to Send Flat Earther on Trip to Space

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By Tim Binnall

At his wit's end over his friends' insistence that the Earth is flat, a man in Scotland hopes to raise enough money to send a proponent of the controversial conspiracy theory into space so that they can see that the planet is actually round. According to a local media report, the audacious idea is the brainchild of Marc Gauld, who grew increasingly frustrated by a pair of cohorts continually telling him that he was wrong about the shape of the Earth. "It drives me crazy," he declared, "the total nonsense that they speak."

What Gauld found particularly galling is that his friends, whom he described as "guys who barely hold down jobs and do nothing," contend that astronauts are actually "actors who are paid to lie." As such, he has launched a crowdfunding campaign aimed at generating around $340,000 to secure a seat on a Virgin Galactic flight into space when such trips begin later this year. In his proposal, Gauld astutely argues that if the Flat Earth community truly wishes to be proven correct, then they should ostensibly be the project's most enthusiastic donors.

As for who, exactly, would get sent into space, should Gauld generate the funds, he explained that he plans to "hold an application process for high ranking Flat Earthers" to make the case that they ought to be the one to take the epic trip. His reasoning for not simply sending one of his Flat Earther friends who have annoyed him so much over the years is presumably that a prominent proponent of the conspiracy theory would have the most impact if they returned from the journey and denounced the much-maligned idea that the planet is not round.

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