'Aliens' Terrorizing Peruvian Village Revealed to be Mischievous Miners

By Tim Binnall

Peruvian authorities have identified the alleged aliens that have been terrorizing a village for the past month and revealed that the 'extraterrestrials' were actually a group of miners with a scheme straight out of the classic cartoon Scooby-Doo. The wild case, which made headlines earlier this week, began last month when the Ikitu indigenous people living in the district of Alto Nanay reported nightly visits from fantastic beings, believed to be aliens or supernatural entities, that seemingly possessed the power to levitate. Following an attack on a teenage girl by one of the eerie interlopers, Peruvian authorities descended on the scene to investigate and managed to quickly unmask the nefarious 'ETs.'

In detailing the findings of their investigation, an official reportedly indicated that the 'visitors' were actually a group of individuals who were illegally mining for gold in the nearby jungle. Amazingly, lest one think that the accounts of levitating aliens were a case of mass hysteria or simply made up out of whole cloth, he explained that the gang actually used jet packs to make it appear as if the 'beings' were not bound by the laws of gravity. The purpose of the elaborate production was to convince the villagers that aliens or supernatural beings had overtaken the jungle so that they fearfully avoided the area while the illegal mining operation was underway.