Canadian Bird Kill Mystery Solved

By Tim Binnall

Wildlife experts in Canada believe that they have determined the cause of a strange event that saw dozens of birds mysteriously plummet to the ground and die. The bizarre incident occurred in the British Columbian town of Tsawwassen earlier this month. Onlookers who witnessed the weirdness were horrified when an unsettling number of starlings appeared to purposely fly straight down to the ground for no apparent reason.

Initial theories for what may have been behind the gruesome event centered around the possibility that the birds were disoriented from a combination of inclement weather and malnourishment which led to their demise. However, a subsequent investigation has determined that the starlings' death was due to a rather weird set of circumstances. According to a wildlife biologist tasked with getting to the bottom of the mystery, the culprit that caused the mass die off was, in fact, another bird.

Laurie Wilson explained to a Canadian media outlet that a new witness had stepped forward with a fresh perspective on the event and reported seeing a large bird of prey chasing after the starlings prior to their death. It is believed that the flock was attempting an evasive maneuver to outwit their airborne tormenter, but their swift swoop went wildly awry when some of the starlings were unable to fully execute it. This hypothesis was borne out when an examination of the birds revealed that the ultimate cause of death was trauma from impacting the pavement.