Excavation at Georgia Guidestones Site Finds No Sign of Apocryphal Time Capsule

By Tim Binnall

In something of a strange silver lining to the demise of the Georgia Guidestones, the removal of the monument allowed for an answer to a longstanding mystery over whether or not there was a time capsule buried at the location. The controversial roadside attraction, which some conspiracy theorists believe represented a proverbial call to action for the New World Order, was partially destroyed by an explosion last Wednesday morning and then completely dismantled shortly thereafter due to safety concerns. In the process, workers were able to get to the bottom of a tangential mystery associated with the monument which came about thanks to an enigmatic plaque that had been installed near the piece.

After knocking down the sizeable granite pillars which constituted the Guidestones, workers reportedly removed an additional stone tablet that had been installed some time following the construction of the monument. The peculiar plaque featured an inscription asserting that there was a time capsule buried beneath it at a depth of around six feet. No doubt wondering if the curious claim was true, workers proceeded to excavate the area to the prescribed level and,unfortunately, found nothing there. They also observed that the dirt was compacted to a degree which would indicate that the land had not been disturbed in quite some time, seemingly precluding that possibility that the apocryphal time capsule had been secretly spirited away sometime in the recent past.

In a testament to the manner in which fake news can quickly spread on social media, the tale of the alleged time capsule gave rise to a viral claim last week that the material had been recovered and consisted of amusing items from the era when the Guidestones were built, such as an 8-track of the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. Elbert County officials squashed those rumors when they announced that there was actually no time capsule at all. While questions surrounding relics allegedly buried at the site have seemingly been answered, authorities in Georgia continue to pursue the far greater mystery of who was responsible for last week's monument-shattering blast.