By Tim Binnall
A Japanese professor is sounding the alarm over a strange problem that the country could be facing in the distant future wherein, due to a law requiring married couples to use a single surname, everyone will eventually wind up with the last name Sato. The odd demographic issue was reportedly uncovered by Tohoku University's Hiroshi Yoshida, who was enlisted by a group looking to change the regulation on surnames. Studying at current statistics, the professor found that there was a 1.0083% increase in Satos from 2022 to 2023. Extrapolating forward using that rate and assuming that the law does not change, Yoshida indicated that half the Japanese population will have the surname by 2446 and the entire country will be be named Sato just 85 years later.
"If everyone becomes Sato, we may have to be addressed by our first names or by numbers,” the professor mused to a Japanese media outlet, "I don't think that would be a good world to live in." Conversely, based on the results of a poll showing strong support for changing the surname law, the professor found that ending the regulation would prevent the proverbial Sato singularity in 2531 as only around eight percent of the population would have the last name by then. It remains to be seen whether Yoshida's research will be cause for action among Japanese officials, especially since the issue will take centuries to come to fruition. Lest one think the professor's plea is some kind of April Fool's joke, it was actually presented in a paper as well as a press conference held last month.